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| Our Family the year Ed was diagnosed with PKD |
Panic. It’s the first emotion I remember feeling
that day as I sat in the clinic and listened to medical professionals tell us
about our “new life”. I’d never
experienced a panic attack before but that day I was sure I was coming close to
one. My first instinct was to run, so as
I consciously tried to slow my breathing and steady my rapidly beating heart. I
gripped the seat white-knuckled as if I were about to experience the biggest roller
coaster ride of my life…because I was….
It had only been a few weeks since we had heard the
diagnosis. After a seemingly routine round of tests, our doctor, who attended
our church, had instructed Ed following a Wednesday night service to go
straight to the ER. His kidney function
was dangerously low and more tests were needed. The ER was the best place to
get those done quickly. I remember him
distinctly instructing Ed not to go home and wait until morning because he
could go into renal failure while he was sleeping, Those words would later
haunt me more than one night as I laid awake checking his breathing to make
sure he was alright. But for now the
shock of it all made it seem so surreal.
We were in a good place in our lives. After 10 years as children’s pastors, we had
planted and pastored a healthy growing church for the last 9 years. After struggling with infertility, we had
started a family and now had two little girls. We were busy, and life was crazy
at times, but we were content and enjoying life. In the hospital, Ed was assigned several
specialist who ran more tests and concluded that he had a disease called
Polycystic Kidney Disease (PKD) a
disease in which cysts form on the kidneys.
It seems that the disease affects different people at varying levels and
for Ed, it was more serious. The cysts
had multiplied to the degree that there was very little kidney mass left and
the kidneys, filled with cysts, now weighed in at about 20lbs. After a few days, they sent him home assigned
to a nephrologist. We went right back to
life as usual those few weeks after and it all seemed like a temporary
interruption,
But in that moment,
at the clinic, reality was quickly setting in. As I sat there, I scanned the
room surrounded by people who seemed way sicker than my husband. It was evident
that we were the newbies in this new club. There was a sweet older woman; her skin
was yellowed with illness. She was the
mother of seven grown children, none of which were a match for her kidney. There was a middle aged man who had been
through transplant only to have complications that almost killed him. He was
now on dialysis awaiting a new kidney from an unknown donor since he had no
family. There was a young father in
dialysis as well struggling to keep working to provide for his young family…the
pain, the sadness, and the worry in that room was palatable. I sat feeling helpless. These were the kind of people, I had prayed
with, believed God for healing for, visited in the hospital. I had seen God
heal and do absolute miracles in people just like these…I knew God could instantly
heal my husband and yet, as I sat there, I found myself pleading desperately
with God because I realized my biggest fear was that maybe He wouldn’t.
“For
my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the
heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9
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