Deeper Waters

I sit and watch as she gracefully strokes her way down the pool and back. There’s a lot going on in that pool.  The Y pool is a busy place in the afternoon, but she is not aware of it.  She is focused on her form and her breathing, determined eyes hidden behind her prescription goggles. 

And as I watch her I sit amazed.  

Not in her ability (even though I am a proud Mama and if you ask me she pretty good)

But that’s not it.

There’s something deeper that moves me.  When I see her out there treading through the deep water, gently, He reminds me.

This is what trust looks like.

And if you knew her like I do you would understand why.

The first time we put her in the water for a bath, her body went stiff as a board. 

My heart just hurt for her.  What was the fear? Was it the unknown or the known?

We had been united with our beautiful little girl less than 24 hours and the realization that as an adoptive mom I had so much to learn about loving and caring for a child who really didn’t know me yet was becoming very clear. I thought we had been bonding pretty well.  She had attached herself to me more than the adoption counselors said to expect and she had refused to even sleep anywhere but on my chest that night. She was definitely recognizing me as her Mama but still she didn’t know if she could trust me completely yet-not when she was in the water. 

Three days of gentle reassurance in the water and it was amazing what a transformation had taken place in her.  We felt like she was comfortable enough with us to try out the pool. So I dressed her in a little turquoise swimsuit covered in sparkles (still her favorite color to this day).  She reached down with her little hand and touched her suit, then looked up at me with the biggest toothless grin of approval.  In no time she was splashing around the pool with her daddy. There was no trace of that scared, stiff-bodied little baby from just days before.  Time with us had built trust (and sparkles always help a girl out a little too!)

As time went on Claire grew to love the water even more.  In fact she learned to swim at five and it became nearly impossible to get her out of the water.  This past year she began swimming in the Porpoise Club at the local Y.  She’s learning strokes now and getting stronger and faster in the water.  She swims twice a week for about two hours. She never wants to leave when class is over. She swims until her arms are so sore that she can hardly move the next day because she loves it…because she’s trusted enough to learn how to be in the water and sitting on the side just isn’t that fun anymore.

“Lord, is it You?” Peter asked. “If it is, tell me to come to you on the water.”
“Come,” Jesus said.
So Peter got out of the boat. He walked on the water toward Jesus. - Matthew 14:28-29

I am reminded of Peter as he exercised his trust (little as it was) in the midst of the storm around him and walked on the water if only but for a moment.  I can’t imagine that life was ever the same for him after that.  Because once you’ve walked on water, walking along the shore just isn’t the same.  Once you’ve experienced what happens when you fully place your trust on Him, there’s really no going back to the shallow waters of the shore.  There’s only deeper waters to walk…

Now that Ed’s surgery is over and he is healthy, people often ask us if life has returned to normal and I know what they mean so I agree, but I really don’t want life to ever be the same as it was before.  I have learned to trust a little more...to walk through a storm in some pretty deep waters... to go back to the walking on the shore holds no appeal to me…there’s only deeper waters to walk.

“Spirit lead me where my trust is without border, 

Let me walk upon the water wherever you would call me.

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander 

And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.” 

Oceans – Hillsong

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