FEAR - It's for the Birds

I could not have been at a more relaxing, stress-relieving place.  We all have somewhere we go to let it all go and for me that place is the beach.  There is something about just sitting there soaking up the rays, ocean breezes hitting my face, and the sound of crashing waves that just helps me to breathe deeper as if I’ve been holding my breath and am now coming up for air for the first time in a long time. I had spent the afternoon playing with my girls, jumping waves in the ocean and building princess sand castles.  As my husband stepped in to keep a watchful eye on them, I laid back in my lounge chair to close my eyes and just relax for a few minutes.  It wasn’t long though before I felt one of my children come back over to me, most children feel the need to do that whenever they catch mom resting!  Trying to be patient as they brushed against my leg, I kept my eyes closed hoping they would get distracted again and go play. But as they sat down on my leg, I opened my eyes to attend to them.  However upon opening my eyes I realized my children were happily playing on the shore and what was now trying to rest on my leg was not my child but a pigeon! 

I had no idea that my rapidly approaching 40-year-old body could still do a high kick but I did it-

--and I have PLENTY of witnesses.

As I sat there feeling so very overexposed and trying to gain my composure back, I wondered why that bird chose me.   Of all the people and places on the beach it could have landed, why me?  For heaven’s sake, the people beside me where even eating Chick-fil-a –what bird doesn’t go for the food?

I have never really liked birds- In fact, I’m a little fearful of them.

Not in a debilitating way or anything- I would just prefer that they keep to their distance and I will keep mine.

I know some people who love birds and would have actually found this incident exciting, maybe even stayed real still, so they could take a picture and post it on their Facebook. 

So why do I feel the way I do about birds? 

Over the years, I’ve had many unhealthy encounters with them not on a Fabio level or anything, but still unhealthy nonetheless. I began to realize that my opinion of them has been formed by those incidents and not necessarily what is actually true about them…

Someone recently asked me what my fears were.  When I asked why, they replied that it was because when encountered with incidents that brought out those fears, I would react to them out of my fear and not necessarily see the truth in that situation and that would in turn affect those around me, including her, and she wanted to be aware of those things so she could understand my reactions. 

Her brutally honest question hit me right between the eyes - it’s true.

I shared with you my recent journey in the last post. Today I want to share something that has and still is changing my life completely.  It all has to do with what we fear and our perspective on those things we fear. Recently, I met with a friend of mine, who is also a Pastors wife, Deanna Shrodes. As I shared (okay, I blubbered) about some incidents I was trying to deal with.  She shared this with me, and I have asked her permission to share it with you. You can go here and read this post. it is one of a great series on her blog.  To say this truth has rocked my world would be an understatement and I cannot thank her enough for taking the time to share it with me. 

Constantly living in and reacting to our fears can be exhausting. If you are like me and find yourself feeling spiritually tired, maybe you could take some time to consider what you’re afraid of and replace those lies with the truth of God’s Word.  The enemy knows what you fear.  If we form the wrong ideas about those things from the start – he has an open door to use whenever he needs to bring you down and distract you from being who God called you to be.  
  We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ.  2 Corinthians 10:5 (MSG)

No, I don’t think it was a mistake that a pigeon passed up Chick-fil-a to sit on my leg instead, but next time I will not react the same way. You may even see the picture on my Facebook page!

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A Warning to the Weary

 Today I am sitting on my back porch writing.  It’s been awhile, but now that I’m here, I just don’t want to leave.  I realize how badly I have needed this – just to sit and reflect for a little while –no bible studying (even though that’s important), no ministry stuff (even though that good), not even much praying going on, other than a few thoughts that come to mind (even though that vital).  I’ve just been sitting here and allowing God to reassure me that He’s here too - with me. 

  We are in a very busy season of life right now, especially in our ministry and at the same time, in our personal life, my husband has been battling a very serious illness.  I will be the first to admit I haven’t been juggling well.  

 I am so very tired.  

 It’s a tired that goes beyond needing sleep, or more caffeine or even a few days off.  I’ve tried all of the above. It is beyond the physical- my spirit is tired. 

  

 Ever been there?

If you not shouting an Amen right now, let me give you a few warning signs that seem to creep up from nowhere when you are spiritually tired:

1. You feel overwhelmed with the responsibilities of life
2. You find yourself angry with other people for not “working” as much as you are.
3. You find yourself battling feelings of depression/anxiety whenever you are not concentrating on your work/ministry.
4. You feel taken advantage of by those you are serving/working for.
5. You feel alone and unloved, even when surround by people who love you.

Scary stuff when you see it in writing, huh?

 These are just a few – I’m sure there are more. I once read of weary Pastor who said he knew he was in trouble when he found himself reading the obituaries and envying the people he was reading about.

 Spiritual weariness is dangerous ground – it’s a warning, my friend.  It’s time to stop for a moment and consider what your spirit is missing, choked out by the circumstances of life.

  I don’t know exactly where this post is headed-to be honest- I never do, but I think I feel a series coming on here.  Please don’t take this as professional advice – I am just a pastor’s wife sharing my experiences and what I’ve learned from them.  And I am praying that if you are walking where I am, you will find encouragement here as we walk together.  We need each other, especially when we feel like that last thing we want to do is put any effort into another relationship.  You are not alone and God never meant for you to walk this journey alone.  Recently, God has placed beautiful ladies in my path that could relate exactly to my experiences, some of them Pastors wives who are walking or have walked in the same places I seem to find myself walking.  They have not condemned me for honestly sharing my feelings – that were not exactly spiritual.  They offered me encouragement, support, and understanding. It’s nice to be assured that you’re not crazy sometimes, even while you are having a very public emotional breakdown in the middle of Panera Bread Co! (You know who you are and I love you!!)

  So, over the next few posts, I will share what God’s been showing me through this place, the good, the not so good, and the just plain ugly of it too. If you find yourself on this same path, I would love for you to join me…feel free to share your comments. Let’s walk this journey together.     

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